I’ve been very distracted with real life lately.

My very good friend who is in her 30s and has 4 young girls was diagnosed with stage 4 metastasized breast cancer and is undergoing her first round of chemo tomorrow. Setting up a support site for her and helping to organize her support network has consumed a lot of my energy.

Shayel is in the last 2 weeks of school before summer break which means there are lots of extra things going on.

Revolution is undergoing an evolution with lots of people moving soon and we’re making lots of new connections that could result in all kinds of possibilities. Some of our other community relationships are changing for the summer so those things are taking up lots of time.

I have to testify against my abusive neighbor in a couple weeks which is taking up some of my thought process energy.

So that’s what’s up. Hope you all are well and thanks for sticking around if you’re reading this

Motherhood - she gives and she takes away, she blesses and curses at will and will never leave. Motherhood has given me stretch marks in places I never knew one could have stretch marks and fat in places I never had before. She has given me extra skin on my stomach and robbed me of nice puffy fat in my boobs - the results of which I hope you are not now imagining. She has destabilized my hormones and widened my hips. Motherhood has cause me to say things like “I don’t think so young lady” and “does that stain remover get puke out of linen?” I have intimate knowledge of how far a vagina can stretch and then how much it can swell. She has inflicted upon me maladies like hemorrhoids, mastitis, plugged ducts, thrush and prolapse. In many ways, Motherhood has not been kind to me.

Motherhood is also a great and wise teacher, a humbling presence and a force of patience.  She has taught me that I am not the center of the universe, that if my plans do not go off without a hitch I will indeed survive and that the greatest joy can often be found in snotty kisses and pummeling hugs that knock me on my ass. Speaking of being knocked on my ass - Motherhood has wore me down in the best ways I could have ever imagined. I dread to think of the person I would be now if I hadn’t conceived, nurtured, birthed and breastfed my girls. Learning to gently discipline my toddlers has taught me more than it has them.

So, Motherhood, we might have a love-hate relationship but I have a feeling I wouldn’t like the me I would be without you.

Happy mother’s day to me - and thank you Motherhood.

Tags: motherhood, mother’s day

I’m looking for a cd called The Event Without Walls. Or more importantly, a song called We’re So Nervous For Your Glory (also called Wilderness or the Wilderness Song by Stuart Garrard from Dilerious). That’s the song we danced to at our wedding reception and in 9 years we haven’t been able to find it anywhere. The cd is no longer in stock anywhere and is not distributed and we have been out of touch with our friend who we borrowed the cd from. We only have it on a bad cassette.

I thought it was distributed in the UK but I think it was actually the US but the last store that sold it was a Christian music store in the UK. If anyone has the CD and would be willing to burn it for us, we’d be eternally grateful. Thanks!

** by the way, I did find some storehouse that has one in stock and is selling it for $40. They’re in the UK somewhere and a. I don’t trust them, b. I really don’t want to pay $40.

**edited to add, we also found a site in Korea that (I think) has it but I can’t decipher the site even with the google translator

This was taken at the parking area of the wilderness area where we hiked on Sunday.

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onehitwonder

She stands on the edge
the stubby toes of her sneakers touching the horizon
the great beyond reaches into her soul
pulling into the abyss
while she, working hard to be strong, pulls back
arms flailing, reaching for balance
heels digging in
stubby toed shoes creeping forward over the edge
the great beyond calling
fingers stuck in ears, trying not to hear
fearing to let go
fearing to remain
but a girl cannot be separated from her soul
so over the edge she goes
stubby toed shoes and all

Some of you might remember that back in December, my neighbor came to my door bloody from being beaten up by her husband and son.

Apparently, a jury trial is being held in June for the husband and I have been issued a subpoena to appear as a witness.

This is dredging up all the memories from that day and subsequent weeks and new thoughts are emerging. Many involve guilt and how much more I could have done, SHOULD have done and said at the time and in the aftermath.

I realized last night when I couldn’t sleep that I have a lot more guilt about this than I thought. If you think of it, prayer would be appreciated.

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