theology and children: conclusion/how I want to live
This final installment gets to the heart of the matter - how I want to live, the life I want to model to my children and the ideals I hold in my treatment of the other.
Ultimately, I don’t think God has as much to say about parenting in particular as he does about our treatment of the other in a general sense…and I would argue that our children are included in “the other”. Setting all arguments aside related to the specifics, there are lifestyle/character choices I make because I believe they are the better choice.
Because, ultimately, does a father really WANT to spank his child? Does a mother really WANT to berate her toddler into compliance? I believe, that all things being equal, all parents WANT to be grace-filled and gentle and kind and respectful and non violent toward their children. But as a society and as a western church culture, we have not done a good job at empowering parents to live out that desire. And as long as we continue to advocate spanking, yelling and other “tactics of power” in our faith communities (not just related to parenting but in all of our human interactions), we will continue to fail at empowering one another to live a more peaceful and peace-making existence.
In short, I want to live a life free from violence. I don’t want to use my positions of power to manipulate. I want to show respect, give honor and do justice to the other. I want to walk humbly and be willing to accept the lower status and elevate the other. I want to model these things to my children by the way I treat them…ESPECIALLY when they fail to please me, ESPECIALLY when they make mistakes because this, I BELIEVE, is how Christ treats us.
Romans 5:7 Now, most people would not be
willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be
willing to die for a person who is especially good. 8 But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.
Now, since none of us want crazy ill behaved children running around wreaking havoc, what DO we do? Here are some good resources that will help us develop our discipline toolbox.
Books
The Discipline Book by Dr. William Sears
Kids Are Worth It by Barbara Coloroso
Biblical Parenting by Crystal Lutton (great study on the “rod” verses)
Kids, Parents and Power Struggles by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
Living with the Active-Alert Child by Linda S. Budd
Between Parent and Child by Haim Ginott
Parent Effectiveness Training by T. Gordon
How to Really Love your Child by D. D. Campbell
You Can’t Make Me But I Can Be Persuaded by Cynthia Tobias
Between Parent and Child by Haim Ginott
The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman (more of an “understanding your child” type book vs. a how to discipline type book)
Time-In When Time-Out doesn’t Work by Jean Illsley Clark
Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph. D.
Graceful Parenting by Eve M. Dreyfus
Heartfelt Discipline by Clay Clarkson
Your One (Two, Three, Four, etc.) Year Old by Luise Ames Bates (use more for understanding of development and age appropriate behavior, less for discipline and parenting advice)
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Faber and Mazlish
The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene
How Much Is Enough? by Jean Islley Clark (great book about preventing overindulgence and building confidence and competence.)
Positive Time-Out by Jane Nelsen
Siblings without Rivalry by Faber and Mazlish
Links
Avoiding Millstones: And open letter to those who advocate spanking
Positive Disciple Resource Center
———————
our theology and child rearing: a history
theology and child rearing: what is discipline?
theology and child rearing: the Bible
theology and child rearing: influence of/on theology
theology and children: conclusion - how I want to live
Related posts:
- theology and child rearing: influence of theology My intention in this little series is 2-fold - to...
- our theology and child rearing: a history When my first-born was about 18 months old my husband...
- theology and child rearing: the Bible To explain why I’m not getting into much detailed Scriptural...
- theology and child rearing: what is discipline? Most parents talk about discipline a lot…both as a...
- 105918967417428939 OK, so my idea to post here daily has turned...
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
- Posted by Mak at 10:05 am
- Permalink for this entry
- Filed under: Uncategorized
- RSS comments feed of this entry
- TrackBack URI
Mom Blogs - Blogs for Moms…
…
Hey, Mak,
I appreciate this series and thank you for sharing your perspective. I admit that I do lose my temper with the children but am sooooo much better than before discovering Jesus : ) - you have encouraged me to gently and humbly guide my children rather than intimidating or using verbal and or physical violence to get submission. About a month ago, D Jr was acting up and D Sr and I were both very upset, and both yelled at him. My heart flip flopped in my chest as (I know God showed me this perspective) he looked up at us, helpless and crying. I imagined what it would be like to be so little and having two giants angrily staring down at me yelling. It was very eye-opening.
Thank you for this series - it was great.
-Melanie
Mak, great subject matter and very appropos, especiall how we treat “the otther”; should have included in your book list “Embrace & Exclusion” by Miroslav Volfe - great read and I highly recommend
Thanks for this series Mak. Just out of interest if you could only recommend one book from the above list, which would it be?
Lyn, good question. I’d say anything by Sears is a good bet. It really depends on the ages and stages of the child and parent.
one of my all time favs is Kids are Worth It