their own sense of style
My girls definitely have their own sense of style. Take Aliyah for example, playing in the rain yesterday. Note the floral top with the differently patterned floral skirt (that is too big) with the tights and “wizard of oz” red sparkly shoes all under the yellow polka dot rain coat. That is some serious fashion sense right there.
It’s hard for me to allow this. It takes every ounce of self control to keep my mouth shut. Because the truth is, in this and many other areas in my life, I like conformity. It’s much more comfortable and simple. I don’t mean to turn a silly picture of my kid into a deep lesson or anything but…well…. I guess I am.
This is a terrifying time in the course of human events for those who cannot abide non-conformity. The rules are changing in every domain from politics to personal relationships to religion. No one knows what to expect anymore and the “silver hairs” who, in the previous era would have been the sages who knew it all are now the ones completely out of the loop, the ones who have obsolete and irrelevant advice to profer. (**) Those who were good at keeping people in line are finding that they no longer have the influence they once did. Those who are trained in traditional institutions using the knowledge of the past are finding themselves sorely ill equipped.
This is a time when the adventurous and daring non-conformists will emerge as the prophets. Those who, in the past, were denied a voice because they just didn’t quite “fit” are going to be the ones who have the insight to move forward. The young suddenly have more to offer.
It’s no wonder I hear so much fear, the powerful are losing their grip, they’re losing their sense of control in the familiar. They sound very similar to how I sound when my 6 year old insists on dressing like a gypsy to go to church - stearn, frantic pleading.
** Disclaimer: This is not to say that the “olders” in our society have nothing to offer. Don’t get me wrong, there is always so much to learn from the past, from experience. Cross generational relationships are vital for holistic growth. But the way we learn from one another, the way disciples are made for example, is just not the same. And this is also not to say that everyone over 50 is clueless, some of the most radical models for post and post post modern living we have in our lives are over 50 - but I would be so bold as to say they are exceptions.
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Well, this truly is insightful. I really liked the analogy of your desire to control your daughter’s fashion choices with what is occurring broadly in culture/society. You understand what is going on well. As one who is over 50 years I can agree with you that there is wisdom from those years but I also agree that the change we are experiencing means those past experiences are not always helpful for now and the future. I am very frustrated in conversations with people my age because most do not have a clue what is going on but it does create fear in many people, young and older.
What most oder people do not realize is that they were not any more in control in the past than anyone is today. There was just the illusion of control. Overall, I would say these are exciting time, not fearful times. By the way, Aliyah looks smashing!
That’s a good way of putting it, it really IS an illusion. I think now it’s just harder to fake it. And thank you, I think my girls are lovely and can pull off just about anything - it always helps to be cute hehe
I agree it is more difficult to fake control today.
On the fashion choices being embarrassing, please note that one of the ironies of life is that when children are young they embarrass their parents. When children are in their teens then the roles reverse and parents embarrass their children so your turn is coming.
If you have not seen these take a look:
Sir Ken Robinson on “Do Schools Kill Creativity?” It can be found here: http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/66
Also, J. K. Rowlings commencement address at Harvard this year is similar but from a slightly different perspective. It is entitled: “The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination”. It can be found at: http://harvardmagazine.com/go/jkrowling.html
I have a four year old fashionista at my house who also loves to mix and match- everything! I also fight the inner control freak in me and ask myself “are winter knit gloves in 90 degree weather going to affect ME?!” LOL
Very insightful post.
[...] And now I go to my Google reader to find Makeesha has posted on the exact same concept! This is becoming a habit - what is with that? Perhaps I should put it down to great [...]
Mak,
I’m always thankful that I had kids in my 40s when my girls start putting together some crazy outfit and insisting on wearing wherever — I don’t think I could have just let them go with it earlier in life! Of course, I’m a bit more relaxed about what I wear, too, come to think of it. I guess there is some wisdom that comes with age about what just isn’t worth trying to even maintain the illusion of control about.
This is my first time here. Great post. I tend to color outside the lines even if I sometimes am stuck in the box…
I can relate to the ruby red shoes! What a great choice.
I have been thinking alot about my kids and how they are not those “smooth stones”. They have ridges, grooves, and bumps. Just like mom. Just like Jesus.
This is to be treasured I think. To think for oneself is a freedom that needs to be encouraged and valued from parents who DO think for themselves. Even if dressing like a gypsy is one of those “what is she thinking” things….can you say camel hair and eating locusts??
Great job at letting this baby girl’s wings grow and become….