A mother’s thoughts

Two days ago, my baby turned 11 months old. For the average person, this wouldn’t seem like a big deal; after all, what’s 11 months? It’s not even a full year. But when a matter of weeks can bring more changes than the average adult personally experiences in years, 11 months feels like a lifetime.

I’ve been through this before. You’d think it wouldn’t be so profound that my baby, who not long ago was a near motionless blob is now cruising around hollering at her big sister and taking cautious steps toward greater freedom and infinitely more mischief.

I know it’s cliche, but for me it’s true, becoming a parent brought with it a keen awareness of my own mortality as well as a revelation that my time on this earth is as a tiny speck on God’s timeline. Watching my girls grow has had a profound impact on my view of myself and my place in this world. It has also affected how I see my responsibilities to God’s creation and my fellow human being. Caring for my sick baby, laughing with my giggly toddler, these things and many many others experiences, have brought a softness and empathy into my soul that was seriously lacking before. God has used parenthood to shape me.

So as I nurse my last baby at 2AM for the second time already, I remember how precious life is, how blessed I am to have these moments and how quickly they fade from the instant into priceless memories.

Along with my last baby turning one, I’m watching my firstborn blossom into a lovely little girl. All remnants of a toddler have disappeared and have been replaced with elaborate stories, thoughtful and profound comments and deepening friendships. She is growing in empathy and compassion. She is learning the importance of responsibility, she is fumbling graciously through learning the social nuances of our culture and of course, she is also taking freedom for an oft perilous test drive. Incoherent phrases and bungled words have given rise to articulate sentences and an occasional hint of snarky back-talk. She has released my skirts and my hand and is venturing further away as independence beckons loudly. Going to school and sleepovers are becoming part of her vocabulary. The attached security she was given is providing a well developed set of feathers for her to soar.

It is both exciting and terrifying to observe. I am humbled daily when she says things like “I hurt my knee but it’s ok, Jesus is healing it. Do you remember when Jesus healed my stomach and head and ear? Let’s thank Jesus.” I don’t think there is anything more rewarding than to hear my 4 year old’s impeccable manners, observe her loving compassion and joy in her profound faith.

The coming years will no doubt bring new challenges, frustrations and fears. But I know God is our strength, our shield, our fortress and with Him as our rear guard and our way maker, we may stumble, but we will rise again stronger and wiser for the experience. Glory be to the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen. Alleluia.

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