smelly monster

“mommy, smell my small pretend green monster”
me: “what?”
“please smell my monster, he stinks”
me: “ummm, no thanks”
“come on mom, smell him, he’s only little and pretend, he won’t bite”
I sniff in her general direction since I’m driving and have not the ability to stick my nose in the monster’s fur/scales/skin/whatever

“doesn’t he stink mom”
me: oh yes, he’s very stinky
“yup, he smells like stinky cheese”
me: “ummm…yup, stinky cheese, pretty smelly, should we give him a bath so he doesn’t stink up our house?”
“no mom, we can’t give him a bath because he’ll make the bath colorful”
me: “what do you mean?”
“he’s slimy and green and he’ll make the water colorful mom, he’ll just have to stay stinky like stinky cheese”
*she rolls down the window*
“or we’ll just throw him outside. bloop. bye slimy stinky green monster, you’re too smelly”

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